


The Gods Are Watching

by ispun



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2013-11-18
Packaged: 2018-01-01 22:34:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1049348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ispun/pseuds/ispun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we're doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Gods Are Watching

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bulletthestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bulletthestars/gifts).



Fate is and isn't kind. For every chance life gives, the gods are more than happy to snatch glory away when it seems just within reach. That's what Jenson is thinking as he's fucking Nico, whose tear-stained face contorts in pleasure beneath him. Nico's cheeks are flushed, the wetness in his eyes being replaced by want, no, by need. And if Jenson feels any trace of guilt for finding a distraught Nico undeniably attractive, it's wiped out by the sheer beauty of the man whose name he whispers over and over in time with his thrusting, like a mantra to doomed hope.

"We're different, you and I," Nico has said, more than once. "And yet..." and here he'd give an ironic little smile, and Jenson was left to fill in the blanks for himself. "And yet you're the one with the world championship. You're the one with the safe seat at McLaren. You're the one who has proven himself." But Nico, with all his advantages, his racing driver father, his house in Monaco, his endless money and always, always his entire family focused on his career, Nico is the one who comes to Jenson's hotel room in tears. If Jenson tells himself that everything he's achieved he had to work damned hard for, well, he knows that it's both true and not. There's never any telling which way the gods will roll the dice.

Even in a relationship where you spend minutes and hours gazing into each other's eyes, tracing fingertips over high cheekbones, where you feel you'd never tire of looking into the other's face, even then, there's something gratifying about the other's failure. It's not pretty but then neither is life. And when Nico loses his seat at the very last minute, Jenson can't help a tiny uncharitable feeling which he squashes down inside himself. Of course he wants Nico in Formula One. Of course he wants him to do well. But still the feeling rises. Still he feels that stab of pleasure that he gets when he wins a race, when he gets a fastest lap. And he takes Nico into his arms and holds him as he sobs, feeling like the worst kind of person, the worst kind of boyfriend.

It doesn't get easier when he guides Nico to the bed and Nico kisses him, his hand drifting down to between Jenson's thighs.

"Please," whispers Nico. "I just want to forget" and the thing is that Jenson wants him like this. Broken down and miserable, his beautiful face a tragedy mask. So Jenson strokes them both hard, before opening Nico up with lube and fingers, and he tells himself again and again that he's doing this for Nico, to help Nico feel better but as he pushes into Nico's tight hole, he can't help but feel something like triumph. Jenson takes Nico in his hand, watching the pleasure play across his face as he pulls at his cock, leaning down to plant soft kisses against the skin of his neck and savouring the soft little moans Nico makes. When the tears come again, Jenson kisses them away, as if he could kiss away the pain, the hurt and he thinks how lovely Nico is like this. With his blond hair, his hard cock, the wiry muscles of his body, he looks like a debauched angel. An angel who's been tortured and flung from heaven. Everything presented to him on a plate, heaven his for the taking. "And yet..." He hears Nico's voice in his head, feels that guilty stab of gratification.

But now Nico's speaking, and Jenson struggles to hear, to really hear the words, and he's saying "I'll never make it now. I'll never prove myself" and Jenson just jerks him off harder, wondering all the time how Nico can cry and fuck and speak all at once, how that's even possible but then Nico's words are turned into incomprehensible little gasps as he spills white over Jenson's fingers, over his own stomach, eyes squeezed shut.

"Fuck," groans Jenson, as Nico's arse clenches around his cock, and he comes deep inside him, the pleasure making him dizzy, overwhelmed with sensation. When he opens his eyes, Nico's looking back at him, eyes blurry and he says "thank you" and Jenson just shakes his head. And he wants to tell Nico how beautiful he is, how he's all the more beautiful because he's doomed, how all the chances in the world couldn't save him. He wants to express all of this, but he knows how fucked up it sounds, so he just presses his lips to Nico's and holds him tight, wondering how they'll get through the night, as Nico sobs into his shoulder.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Understeers fic exchange


End file.
